Sunshine After Rain

by LilyK

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for Chris, with love

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Jim Ellison stood, phone in hand, frozen in time and space. Blair Sandburg crossed quickly to his partner's side.

"Jim?" Blair said softly, touching Jim's arm lightly. "Are you okay?"

After a long minute, Jim blinked and shook his head to clear it. Turning his eyes on his partner, he said, "No."

Blair nodded, immediately seeing the unhappiness in Jim's handsome face. "Okay," he said compassionately. "Give me the phone, Jim. Come on." Prying his lover's fingers from around the handset, he set it down on the kitchen counter. "Do you want to tell me?"

Jim looked at Blair with utter sadness. "My grandfather."

"What?" Blair said in a very surprised voice. "I didn't know… Is he…? What's wrong?"

"He's asking for me. My father said it could be a matter of hours."

"Jim, man. Let's go."

Jim stood rooted to the spot, unable to move. "I haven't seen him in thirty-five years."

"Why?"

"My father and he had a falling out."

"Over…?"

Shrugging, Jim sighed. "Don't know."

"So hasn't your dad spoken to his father in all these years?"

"No. At least not that he's ever mentioned."

"Geez, Jim. How could you guys fuck up a family so much?!" Blair's voice rose, his own anguish over Jim's sadness coming out in anger. "You have a father and a brother! You have a grandfather! I don't have any of those. For God's sakes, Jim, mend those fences before it's too late!"

Jim looked into Blair's anger-filled blue eyes and he saw the pain for him reflected there. Stepping closer to his lover, he slipped an arm around his shoulders. "I'm sorry, Chief."

Blair deflated instantly at the sorrowful tone. "Me, too. That was uncalled for. Sorry, Jim. Really, I'm sorry."

Jim squeezed Blair close. "It's okay. Besides, you're right."

Looking up at his Sentinel with liquid-filled eyes, Blair gave Jim a half-hearted smile. "I am?"

Jim nodded. "I love you."

"Oh, man. Come here." Pulling Jim impossibly closer, he petted the short hair when Jim's head found his shoulder. "What do you want to do, Jim? I'll take you wherever you need to go."

"We'll do this together."

"Hey, I don't think that's such a good idea."

Jim's arms around Blair's waist clutched tighter. "Please, Blair. I need you."

While William tolerated Blair's presence twice a year, at Christmas dinner and at Sally's birthday in June, the rest of the year it was as if Blair didn't exist to Jim's father -- something that occurred after Jim told his father that he and Blair were a committed couple. Steven, on the other hand, was now a monthly visitor to the Ellison/Sandburg home. Although he was welcome more often, his hectic work schedule left little time for socializing. In spite of this, Steven always made time for a family dinner at the loft. Since he became reacquainted with his older brother, and since he had met his brother's roomie/partner, now lover, he discovered that he liked both of them very much, something that had been a surprise but a pleasant one.

Blair sighed softly. "Of course, Jim. I'll go with you. If anything -- upsetting happens, I might have to disappear, though."

"Sure, Chief. I don't want you upset."

Blair chuckled softly and hugged Jim close. "Not me, silly boy," he said quietly, rubbing the back of Jim's neck. "Your grandfather. I don't want to upset a sick man."

Jim raised his head and looked into Blair's eyes. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"You picked the right lotto ticket?"

Finally smiling softly, Jim nodded. "You're the best thing I've ever won, Chief."

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Jim stood like a statute in the doorway to his grandfather's hospital room. Blair touched his back lightly and he finally moved forward a foot, stopping again.

Patting Jim's arm, Blair approached the bed first, giving him some time to adjust to everything going on around him. The old man looked very ill. All sorts of medical devices were hooked up to him, blinking, beeping, whirring and humming, relaying vital information to the various machines.

Lightly, Blair rested his hand on the man's arm. "Sir? Mr. Ellison?"

Tired pale blue eyes opened and an impossibly radiant smile crossed the man's face when he looked from Blair to Jim and back again. "You must be Mr. Sandburg. Steven's told me about you."

A bit surprised, Blair nodded. "Yes, sir. I'm Blair. Nice to meet you."

"Call me Arthur." Arthur coughed lightly. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Can I do anything for you?"

"A bit of ice water would be good." Arthur watched Jim for a moment before he turned his eyes back to Blair, who stood holding a glass in which he had placed a straw. "Thank you," Arthur said before taking a few sips of the cool drink.

"You're welcome." Glancing over his shoulder, he said, "Jim's kind of in shock, I think. He…"

Arthur smiled. "No need to explain." Focusing once again in Jim, Arthur said, "Jimmy? Do you think you could come closer so I could get a good look at you? My eyes aren't as good as they once were." Lifting a hand to rub his tired eyes, he added, "There was a time I could see a flea on a dog at a thousand yards."

Blair's face lit up. "Really? Cool." Turning, he called, "Jim? Come on, man. I know you're not zoned. Arthur wants talk to you."

Jim nodded mutely and amazingly his feet actually moved when he commanded his body to walk. "Sor… sorry. I'm… It's been a long…" He stopped, swallowing hard.

Arthur smiled and held out a pale hand. "Yes, it has. I'm very sorry I missed your life, Jimmy." After a brief pause, he asked, "How are they?"

Jim looked shocked. "What…? You knew?"

Arthur nodded. "We had a huge fight, your father and I. That's why your father kicked me out of his house and ordered me never to return. He hated me for believing in you, for encouraging you."

"What?" Jim's face was a mask of disbelief. "When?"

Time was short and Arthur seemed to know exactly what Jim needed to hear. "You were almost seven, Jimmy. I knew you were different than other children. I think some of that had to do with me. I always had an enhanced sense of sight and smell. You, somehow, had more -- all five of your senses were heightened."

"My father knew. He told me a while back when…"

"I know about the Fosters, my boy. I read the papers. I know about Peru. I read about your many accomplishments over the years. I'm very proud of you."

"Why didn't you get in touch with me sooner? Why now?"

Arthur sighed. "I'm truly sorry, James. It was entirely my fault. When I removed myself from your life -- and Steven's, too -- all those years ago, I was very angry. I thought William was wrong and I was stubborn enough to believe that until he admitted his mistakes and apologized to me, to your mother, and to you children, that I was right in refusing to speak to him. It is the biggest regret of my life.

"Even though your father forbade me to see you boys, I should have made more of an effort. I realize that now. I punished you and Steven for our problems. It was not what I had intended, but I was a pig-headed S.O.B. back then. I didn't even realize your mother had left until five years after the fact." Arthur sighed deeply and his face was full of regret.

Jim felt a stab of sympathy. He knew how cold and hard the men in his family could be, how they rushed to conclusions without all the facts, and how they hurt the ones they were supposed to love. Jim had learned his lessons the hard way, but at least he had learned them before he lost Blair because of his inability to express his feelings.

Softly, Jim asked, "What about -- William? Have you spoken to him?"

"My son and I have made our peace. I spoke to Steven earlier today. I don't want to die without tying all the knots."

Nodding, Jim mused, "But you've lived here, in Cascade, all these years?"

"Yes, son, I have. The years seemed to all meld together and after a while…" Arthur sighed. "I can't undo the past, any more than your father can, but I can offer my sincere apologies and ask you to forgive me."

Jim swallowed and his eyes were beginning to prickle. "It's okay."

"No, it's not, but since I can't change it, I wish to offer you something."

"I don't want anything. I make enough money. Give it to charity."

Arthur smiled. "No, Jimmy. Not money. I kept a journal along with about half a dozen photo albums and some home movies from when you and Steven were children. I'd like you to have them."

"What about Steven?"

"You're the eldest. You may make an equitable split of the items and share with your brother."

"Thank you," Jim said softly, moving closer to the bedside. "It's good seeing you again in spite of…" Jim's throat closed up and he bit his lower lip.

"Jimmy, when the time comes, promise me you and that nice young man of yours will go out for a great dinner together and celebrate my life, rather than mourn my death. Promise me."

"Okay," Jim muttered, dropping his head and trying desperately to hold back his tears. He suddenly felt seven again. "I promise."

"Good. Thank you for coming, JJ."

"Nobody's called me that for thirty-five years. You were always the only one."

Smiling, Arthur said, "One more thing. Two actually."

"Yes?"

"Try to understand your father and forgive him. He's an asshole, but he is your father. Heck, it runs in the family sometimes."

Chuckling, Jim nodded. "And the other?"

"Open that cupboard behind you. The photographs and the journal are in there, marked with your name. Also, there's a gift for you."

"I'll get it, Jim," Blair finally spoke from his corner seat. Rising and opening the cupboard he pulled out the cardboard box and a nicely wrapped present. "Jim?" Blair held out the gift.

Taking the package, Jim said to Arthur, "Please. I don't want anything. I already…"

"For God's sakes, Jimmy. Open the damned thing."

Smiling, Jim nodded. Ripping off the decorative wrapping, he looked into the gift box and started laughing.

"It's quite egotistical of me, I know, but I wanted you to remember me, JJ."

Handing Blair the package, he grinned at his grandfather. Leaning over, he slipped an arm around the frail shoulders and kissed the man's forehead. "Thank you. I'll always treasure it."

Blair glanced at the gift -- an attractive photograph of Arthur taken no more than five years before, professionally done and nicely framed in wood. He knew it would hold a place of honor in their home. Smiling, he watched his lover hug his grandfather.

The door swung open and a nurse came in carrying a small tray that held several kinds of medication.

"My tormentors are here, son. I think it's time to say 'good night'," Arthur said with a smile.

"I'll come back tomorrow," Jim said.

"Thank you, JJ. I'd enjoy that. If I'm still here, that is," he added, laughing lightly before coughing into a shaky hand.

"Where are you…?" Jim stopped and shook his head. "No," he said, quietly but firmly.

"Jimmy, I love you. I'll do my best to be here for a visit tomorrow. Deal?" He smiled and patted Jim's hand as it rested on his arm. At Jim's solemn nod, he smiled and glanced over at Blair. "Nice finally meeting you, Blair. Take care of my grandson."

With damp eyes, Blair stepped forward and nodded. "I will. Always."

"Then I can't ask for more. Thank you for visiting a tired old man." Crossing his hands on his chest, Arthur closed his eyes. The conversation had taken a great deal of energy and he was very tired.

Blair tugged on Jim's arm until he finally turned. Picking up his box of memorabilia, Jim followed his lover from the room.

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Ten months later, at the Cascade Panorama Tower Restaurant, over an expensive meal, Jim and Blair raised their champagne glasses in honor of Arthur James Ellison.

The End